This week has been all about making positive changes, choices, and progress! I have lost 3 lbs in the last two weeks – thanks to Shakeology and working hard during my daily workouts. I’ve also, somewhat unfortunately, decided that I don’t think I can be with Chuck again. It was an amazing 6 months, and I really thought that maybe I had found someone who really understood me and wanted to be with me. But he’s had a complete personality change after this episode, he’s made it pretty clear that I’m not a priority and neither is Buttercup. And that’s fine. I just want all my stuff back, to give him his, and to move on – idk if he’ll let that happen, but one can only hope. He acts like everything is fine between us one minute, if something I say is taken slightly the wrong way or I’m not as enthusiastic about something as he wants me to be, he blows up at me. He’s taking out all his anger on me – but he can be nice and have fun with everyone else – his family and all his friends. I know he’s going through a lot, but I can’t take this for the rest of my life. It’s not fair to me, at all.
It’s also extremely unfair to poor Buttercup. Every day for the past month, she has sat at the door from around 4:30-5pm, waiting for him to come home from work. When he doesn’t appear, she cries and gives up. A few days ago, she looked at the door at around 4:30, whined, and then laid down on the couch. It breaks my heart more to see her so sad, but she’s bonding a lot more with me now, and I like that. I will take care of her, Sammy, and Jackson. We will all be fine, and we don’t need him – especially not if he’s going to act nice one minute and like a complete ass the next. I’m tired of being treated like that, and I feel like I’m being emotionally manipulated into waiting and hoping it will work when he’s nice, just to have my hopes crushed again and again when he blows up at me for no reason.
In happier news, yesterday I went to church for the first time down here. I really loved the place I went, and I’m planning to go back next week. They also have a lot of college and graduate students during the school year, so I’m excited for that and might join a small group to get to know more people. Everyone was really really nice, and I really felt welcomed and like I was at church at home – well almost, haha. I also took Sammy for his weekly 2 mile walk – lately I’ve been adding short bursts of running. We ran a mile!! A slow one, but it happened and even though we both felt dead afterwards, it was awesome! I finally feel like I’m back on track with my life, and that things are going to get better and change. It’s just going to take some hard work and time. I’ve been reading The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, I’m not super far into yet but it’s really been helping. It’s funny that I needed a book to tell me something like small positive choices will add up to make a large positive result over enough time. Today I’m all set to finish another book, do my PiYo workouts, have my shake, and get stuff done!! 😀 Hope everyone else’s weeks have started off great as well!